Okay, I cant be friends with just ANY old English speaker...

I spent the weekend watching Seasons 4-6 of Sex and City, rounding out almost 2 weeks of effort to complete the series. By Season 5 (or IN Season 5), Carrie began annoying me-- bad, I know, since I usually love Carrie. But it occurred to me that important shit happened in Season 5-- pregnancy, divorce, etc. and all she could focus on was her very non- important love life. I think it reminded me of myself and that’s why it annoyed the hell out of me. So, if I ever brushed anyone off or made your relationships and life minor because of my own unimportant musings, I apologize. =)
So, that was my unspectacular weekend… I stayed in all weekend, ate dumplings and watched SATC. I probably put on about 5 pounds, which I will likely drop during the school week when I have to eat snails, octopus or something similar during school lunch. Yummy. =P
Okay, if I tell you something, you must PROMISE that I will not become an object of ridicule and speculation. You cannot call one another and say, “Awww, Lacey is so sad.” Because I’m not sad, necessarily, just mildly desperate. Which all resulted in the story that I will now tell you. =) LOL.
So, about a week ago, I began feeling desperate for company when I realized that my closest friends here are two Korean students who keep me company during class breaks. Granted, my Iowan and Canadian friends are awesome, but they are miles and miles and miles away in the country, while I’m firmly rooted in the Korean ghetto, right?
So…I put out a personals ad. Yes, I did and I am not ashamed to admit it. Not a “Hey, lets fuck!” personals ad, but a “Hey! If you’re as bored as me and live in my city, lets hang!” one. It was strictly platonic and placed on a Facebook group aimed toward that sort of thing as well as on Craigslist. Was it a moment of sheer insanity? I don’t know, but I will say I was bored, having read all of Perez Hilton, People.com and watching all the new videos on Youtube, and it seemed like a capital idea!
So, I began getting all these hits back from different people. Some were indeed perverted, some misguided, but most seemed to echo my feelings exactly. The feeling of “Well, if you speak English and I speak English, why the hell don’t go shopping together or something?” I emailed the normal people back, deleted and blocked the pervs and began my friend search in earnest. I mean, I don’t want to pat my own back, but I’m pretty awesome friend material. I mean, I kind of like hanging out with myself, and I’m ME…although the relationship has gone sour because I’ve been spending too much time alone in my own company. Bleech.
So the Great Friend Search, as I like to call it, began with a bang. I got a couple of emails from girls and guys who are pretty close to where I live, but decided to play it safe by emailing only the girls first. One, who I’ll call AG, seems really cool. She’s 22, from Maine and said that we had almost identical interests and should get together to go Christmas shopping. Which, of course, I love-- English and shopping seem pretty wonderful at this point. She seems, dare I say it, normal. The other girl who emails me, I’ll call her Small Town Canadian, seems fine at first. She’s 25 and, well, from a small town in Canada. She emails, says what her interests are, and follows it up immediately with a ranting email. She says how much she cant stand Korea, blah, blah, blah. Okay, so we all know I’m not IN LOVE with Korea, but I require any company I keep here to at least tolerate it to help keep MY morale up.
So, Small Town Canadian emails me and I email back and she friends me on Facebook and writes me a message there too. I’m like, wow she’s even more desperate for company than I am…I mean, and she has 2 native English teachers at her school to hang out with too. So, on this message she says, ‘Well I was emailing this one girl here but then she wrote me all of the sudden and said that we couldn’t be friends because we don’t have similar interests! How fucked is that?!’
Well, it IS pretty fucked, but if Small Town Canadian is acting anything like she is now then I can kind of see where this girl is going with the ‘nothing in common’ route. She was probably trying to spare her feelings, instead of saying ‘You may be a psycho, so its best we not meet.’ So, I check out her Fbook profile, to see if I notice anything that, even vaguely, says “I’m crazy”-- I find out that she is….well, really overweight. Like, maybe ¾'s the size of Ora Monet or Liz Purnell…for all the non-Spelmanites who don’t know who Ora or Liz is, I will say that she is probably a stone’s throw away from the size of a baby orca whale. And I say that with a straight face. No laughing, because I am entirely serious.
I am surprised by this fact, but in no way prejudiced. And then I begin to look through the information section of the Facebook, where her about me says “I am the beacon of fashion and class in my community.” and “People always tell me that they envy my style and sophistication.” And I see that despite being the size of a large salt water mammal, she is clearly not lacking any self confidence, which I think it rather impressive. I mean, something’s gotta be said for that, right?
Until I see the “Very Conservative” under her political views…I begin wondering “Exactly HOW conservative?” The only conservative person I talk to on a regular basis is my dad, and I love him, so I kind of have to. I mean, I can deal with conservatism, but when I see a “very” before it, I start to think that it may be a bit extreme, which I would find very hard to tolerate. We can have different opinions on things and that’s fine, but if we have TOTALLY different beliefs and we’re not related then I don’t have to be bothered.
I shamelessly look through her photos. She poses with rifles at Canadian NRA meetings…she’s protesting against gay rights at a rally, wearing a t-shirt that has two “F”s on top of each other on the front and on the next photograph there’s a picture of her rather large back with the words “Uck” and “Ags” in the same position as the two Fs are on the front….I’m sure you can get the picture…then, she’s double fisting beers and licking some fat Asian guy’s stomach at a bar after what I am assuming is a body shot…she’s holding up a furry animal by the tail after shooting it…and….she’s at a John McCain rally in Michigan holding up a sign that says “Barack HUSSEIN OSAMA-- Leader of the Free World? Fuck no!” And no, there is no misspelling on the “Osama” part-- that’s what the sign said. And she crossed a border and went through customs just hold that sign up. Cheers!
So… I guess that means we could have different interests, then right? After seeing such “style” and “sophistication” I then begin to think I understand what this other girl meant when she said that she and Small Town Canadian have un-similar point of views. I mean, frankly, I’m surprised she even left her small town to come to Korea-- doing something like that would require a slightly more open mind than it appears she possesses.
I decide not to respond to any more emails, after a brief message that it appears I will be transferred to the Korean countryside and wont be in the area any longer. I de-friended her and quietly continued on with my day. Okay, so if I didn’t do crazy shit like post for friends on the Internet then this kind of stuff wouldn’t happen. But you guys also wouldn’t get any stories like this, right?
Ha! You know you love me and my antics. =)